i have to admit, when forgetting selections of my past i can remember some wonderful times.

i have to remember, i am still young, these are just experiences in my life. it does not end here.

you have always intrigued me.

you are very smart.

thats sexy.

i think i found out what being head-over-heels in love is like.

i lost myself.

there is a huge difference with head-over-heels in love and what i thought was love.

i forget about my needs. i forget that i should take care of me rather than a man that acts like a boy that just wants to have fun.

dating a man 12 years my senior is quite exciting.

there is this safety net there.

because he's been there, done that.

it's like im afraid to take any leaps without someone holding my hand.

his personality is great.

he makes me laugh.

and i have so much fun, even doing nothing with him.

its easy for me to miss him. its easy for me to want to wish i could hold his hand.

but i think in a relationship such as this was it's like im still afraid to grow up and accept full responsibility for myself.

i love that safety net of another person, even if all they do is be there.

i keep trying to go on and live as though i don't need anyone, anything.

its hard.

i think i'm finding that i do.

i dont understand.

sometimes i just get that feeling its just not my time.

its just not mine.

sometimes i wonder if i missed it.

i cant go back to the past and change what has already happened.

i don't think i would have changed from kissing you,

but i do think i shouldn't have given you my number.

right away, anyway.

sometimes i get lonely and miss you terribly.

but i think its better now.

im better now.

im better at dealing with loneliness than heartbrokenness.

loneliness was something i am more a custom to..

its actually comfortable.

being heartbroken

really heartbroken is awful.

i actually still cry when i think about it. the pain is still so real.

sometimes i pray that things will change.

i have so much fun with you. but im better off alone.

i think i will always love you. i don't think that will die. i pretend its not there. but it wont go away.

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